Mama's Day.

I always knew I wanted be a mama. I've been many things. A daughter. A sister. A friend. A girlfriend. A wife. A student. A teacher. A waitress. A barista. A sociologist. A caregiver. A singer. An amateur guitar player. A writer. A lover of nature. I have been many things. But being a mama? That has fueled my soul. It has taught me about the kind of me I want to be in all those other things I am. There is a lot more to me than being a mama. Yet, at the same time, it's everything.

Patiently waiting (well trying too, anyways)

Well, here I am  39 weeks pregnant (actually more like 38 in this picture, but you  get the point) and I am desperately trying to remain patient and for the sake of everyone who lives with me, a little less neurotic than I feel.  Here is a list of things I currently obsess over (usually around 1am)

            -How can I dust under that book shelf?  If I get on the floor, there is no telling if I will be able to get back up.  Maybe I should lift it just a little?  No, I am pretty sure that is a bad idea. 

            -I need to have the dishes done like at ALL times.  Like it drives me crazy when there is one in the sink.  I can not stop thinking about it until it is washed because I know if I don't wash it then I will go into labor, and then there will be dirty dishes, and I won't be able to concentrate on having the baby! (Did I mention these obsessive thoughts are not rational in any way.  Just go with me) 

            -Do I seriously not have a definite name picked for our baby?  This is so not like me.  I need to know things.  Breathe.  It will be ok.  I am pretty sure the nickname “Bull’s-eye” the kids (and now whole family) have been using all through the pregnancy will probably stick for this child’s entire life so it doesn't actually matter what we name him/her anyways.

            -This baby is totally going to be late isn't it?  Technically I am 1 week from the arbitrary “due date” but I am going to carry this little bundle for another 3 weeks aren't I?!

            -Will third time finally be a charm for our planned home-birth?  I truly am thankful for my previous healthy, thriving babies, but wouldn't it be nice to have one of my births end up at home?  And not take an eternity?  Like is it too much to ask for a 2 hour home-birth?  It just might be.  I am ok with that.  I really am.  I even packed a “just in case” hospital bag this time. 

The list could go on and on forever, but I will not bore you with my craziness.  And then I just feel like a big giant jerk for worrying over such frivolous things.  I really am so blessed.  I am so thankful my body has carried this sweet baby to term, or that it was even able to make a baby.  That is not the case for so many close to me, including myself once upon a time.  So, I am going to try and breathe.  Trust this baby to come when it is good and ready, in the way it is intended to.  And while I wait in the stillness I will enjoy spending my days with these loves of my life… 

I recently read this post that spoke to my dear "heart in waiting".  I may just need to read it daily, to remember the beauty in, waiting. 

The Last Days of Pregnancy: A Place of In-Between

A White Christmas... Well, Sort of

Yesterday morning I woke up hours before the rest of the family (thanks a lot third-trimester-insomnia!) and saw the snow!  Now, Eugene-ians are rain experts, but snow?  We only get that every few years so this is some exciting stuff around these here parts.  I resisted the urge to wake everyone up, since I have a very strict never wake a sleeping child rule (you never know when they will sleep again)!  However, the second I heard the tiniest of stirring from their bed, I ran in and flung open the curtains.  Frankie and Elena started cheering "It's Christmas!  It's Christmas!"  It did not take long before we were out the door and in the snow.  Some of us lasted longer than others… 

The view from our window

The view from our window at night

You may have noticed there are only two pictures of Ms. Elena in the snow.  She much preferred looking at the snow from the window INSIDE our house while sipping on hot cocoa.  Well, and someone had to keep her company, so I made the sacrifice.  

Franklin has told several people the snow will stay until Christmas.  I have not had the heart to tell him it will probably be gone with in a few days.  Christmas miracles have happened before, right? 

Malala

As parents, we want so much for our children.  Safety, health, education, love, and happiness.  We pray they grow up surrounded by people that can show them beauty in the world and compassion for all of its ugliness.  We feel a little failure when our daughters worship pop stars instead of Noble Peace Prize winners, and our sons’ value physical strength instead of compassion.  Perhaps we don't all feel that way, and perhaps that is the problem.  Growing up I read books like Ann Frank, and Little Women cover to cover repeatedly, Imagining myself someday becoming a writer, an artist, a teacher, or a healer.  Imagining myself choosing love and freedom, and self-respect.  I hope I am never the kind of parent that pressures my children into being something I want them to be.  I want to make sure to listen to their dreams, their desires, their ideas of love and freedom and self-respect.  But there are some things I won't budge on.  They have to be compassionate.  They have to value their mind, body, and spirit.  They have to be able to see outside of themselves and choose to care for others in the face of hatred.  They do not have to be doormats, but they do have to be welcome mats.  

I watched the following video of Malala Yousafzai's, a 16-year-old Pakistani advocate for women's rights, appearance on the Daily Show today. She is remarkable.  She is inspiring.  I cannot promise my kids will not ever fall into idolization surrounding pop culture.  I hope not, but I cannot promise it.  What I can promise, is that  people, and books, and stories, about women like Malala, will also surround them.  And at the end of the day, I am confident they will choose her as their inspiration. 

Video and article of Malala Yousafzai on the Daily Show

It's true, she's two!

So, apparently it is much more difficult for me to keep up on my blog while in Oregon.  No matter what excuses I may be able to come up with, I just could not let this month go by without giving a birthday shout out to my favorite two year old on the planet.  That is right; my darling Elena Rebecca turned the big t-w-o this month!  And boy oh boy has she risen to the occasion.  Of course, she is still sweet, and cuddly, and the silliest little person you have ever met, but she sure is a firecracker!  She is filled with passion and determination, and although this can make for a challenging bedtime, I would not have it any other way.  Hold on to this fire my amazing girl.  Do not ever be afraid to speak "too much."  Continue to be fearless, while so very considerate of others.  I hope you always go down the "big slide" while continuing to remember to invite others along.  Continue to push your baby doll in her stroller with one hand, and have a sword fight with your brother with the other.  Because all of this, is exactly who you should be, because it’s you.  And I wouldn't want you any other way. 

Leaving Paradise

So I am not sure how I let 2 months slip by between posts.  Actually, I totally know how, we are moving!  In like, 5 days!  See, it's been so long I don't think we had even decided this since my last post!  Yup, 6 years has passed here at Stanford, which means our eligibility for student housing is up.  And since the bay area cost like a bazillion dollars to live in, we are finishing up Nick's last year of grad school back "home" in Eugene.  It's funny, I definitely always thought of Eugene as home, until we started packing up to leave.  I have lived here in our house at Stanford longer than I have lived in any other house in my life!  Crazy huh?!  Although life down south took us some getting used to, we grew to love it.  We made some amazing friends along the way, which we could have never made it through this insane time of grad school + babies without!  I have a million pictures/stories to share about the last few months in our beloved courtyard, that I plan on sharing, once we unpack.  Until then, here are a few of my favorite recent pics of our darling courtyard friends.  We will miss you all sooooo much!!!! 

The Wigginton and  Viles kids.  Inseparable!!! When the Wiggintons moved in, Elena and Evie were just over a month old, and Franklin and T were not quite 2 1/2!  I will need to dig up some of those pics to share. 

With some courtyard friends during "Science Camp"  Our sweet neighbor, Kristen, put it on the whole week after preschool let out for the kids to have something fun to do!  See, how will I live without these people?! 

Franklin and Miles super excited about their watches

Evie and Elena.  Two of the sweetest and spiciest toddlers you will ever meet!  

This is me taking Frank down a water slide at one our neighbor's birthday party.  It was cold. 

The Wiggintons moved a few weeks before us (how rude!)  This is the boys saying their final goodbyes.  Franklin tells anyone who will listen about his best friend Talmage and how he moved away and how sad it made him.  Breaks my heart to separate these kids.  They were like siblings!  Spent at least half the day with each other nearly everyday for the past 2 years.  

A Day at the Beach

 Our family loves the beach, and we do not go nearly enough.  It seems like this entire term has been jam packed of weekends with long lists of to-do's, so we decided to take advantage of our lack of Saturday plans and head to the beach!  It was a little colder than we would have liked, but at least it reminded us of the Oregon coast.  Never-the-less, we had a blast...although we have decided we are definitely going to the warm southern Cali beaches on our next trip to L.A.

Frankie was thrilled he could fly his kite all by himself!  And I must say, he did a great job. 

Sadly, our kite got stuck way up on top of the cliff. 

But luckily daddy-of-the-year saved the day and got it down! 

Found some great caves the kiddos thought were basically the coolest thing on the  planet

Daddy and daughter

This lagoon was so amazing!  It was really warm and shallow enough for the kids to splash around in

Ms. Elena takes her baby EVERYWHERE!  I think it's time this little dolly gets a bath!

Did I mention Dede has named her baby "Bandon"?  In toddler language this translates to Band-aide.  Can you guess what her two favorite things are?  Yup. Babies and Band-aides! 

Franklin very proud of his climbing abilities.  And he should be, he was awesome! 

And my little Miss wasn't far behind.  This daughter mine is fearless and full of determination!  

Aren't they crazy?!  And aren't I crazy for letting him jump off these cliffs with my babies in tow?! 

And here goes Ms. Fearless wanting a turn all by herself! 

Everyone took a turn getting buried.  Well except mommy.  Someone had  to take pictures right? 

Loves of my life. 

I almost forgot!  The highlight of the trip was a whale sighting!  It was glorious! She swam near the shore for quite  a while, putting on a show for all the gushing spectators.  There are rumors going around that a certain mommy in attendance was crying like a baby from all the happy emotional excitement.  But, I admit nothing!