WARNING: Sappy Post Ahead!

This post is a little sappy, ok a lot sappy.  But hey,  cut me some slack, I miss my hubby and our anniversary is coming up.  Nick is gone on a research trip for 3 1/2 weeks. We really miss having daddy around, and not only because I can't make him change the poopy diapers.  This situation, him being gone, is kind of funny.  I mean in one way, I can't help but feel a little confident.  Like, wow I am actually doing this, taking care of these kiddos, being without my Nicholas. I am my own person, and I am strong enough to be my own person.  However, at the exact same time I can't stop feeling and thinking about how happy I am that I get to do this, our family, my life's journey WITH Nick.  Everything, is better with him.  I am my own capable person, but he, helps make me better.  I can be a good mom on my own, but with him, I have the ability to be a great mom.  I am strong on my own, but with him, I am capable of not only surviving but thriving through the tough stuff. I want to teach my children that who they want to be and what they can do, does not need to be completely dependent on their partner, but that if they find one that supports, enriches, and helps make their journeys that much richer, than to love that person.  Respect that person.  Give to that person, in a way that reflects their love. 

I checked my myspace for the first time in like 3 years and found some great old pictures.  Here are a few gems I found of our young love :-) 

Playing with photoshop 

New York 2008

Nerds

Gosh this must have been around 2002! 

Newlyweds

We're babies! 

Furniture shopping...pre kids, when shopping didn't end in tears, for all four of us! 

Apparently we like to take pictures of our selves sharing drinks

On our honeymoon

I'm still here!

I've realized anytime we are in Oregon I become a very lazy blogger.  Ok, maybe just lazy.  The days go quickly filled with family and buisiness, and not to mention "sleeping in" (thanks mama-in-law!)  I do miss my house.  Having things organized in the way I'm used to, my wonderful neighbors, who make the tough days of parenting a little easier, and the fact that our place is within walking distance of the grocery store, farmers market, campus and the library.  However, there is something rejuvenating about being "home" in Oregon.  We come here, recharge our batteries, pick fresh berries, play with cousins, grandparents, and friends, enjoy a life that is well, a little simpler.  By the end we are ready to be in our own place again, a little more rested to take on the adventures we have set out to accomplish.   We still have a little over another month left here in Oregon, unfortunately Nick will be gone doing research for most of it.  Perhaps I can convince that wonderful mother-in-law I mentioned earlier to come back to Stanford with us to rejuvenate from Nick being gone (*wink *wink).

I will work on uploading pictures of our amazing summer soon, I promise.  It's funny how something as simple as my computer-camera chord not hanging right next to the computer like it is at home would prevent me from uploading the pictures this entire time, but it does.  See?  Lazy.  

Here are a couple of pictures to wet your whistle while you are waiting on the edge of your seats, as I am sure you are doing.

tee-lalh

Happy 1st Birthday Baby Girl!

Happy 1st birthday to my darling Elenita.  You love trains and babies equally.  Roar like a lion and blow endless kisses.  You lipsync to Glee and dance with your brother to Beck. You're not afraid to be you and that is wonderful news since I wouldn't want you to be anyone else.  May you always keep this freedom to be yourself, while loving and caring for others in the process.  And above all, may I always support you in doing this. 

Happy birthday baby girl! 

Marshmallows, Graham Crackers and a View

You know that saying, "When it rains, it pours"?  Well today I thought there was going to be a flood!  After accidentally having supplies mailed to our address in Oregon instead of here, in California, where I needed them to be, for an event I am hosting on Friday...TWICE (!!!), I spent the morning running around town trying to find items (such as 150 bouncy balls at a reasonable price) before Nick headed to school.  In case you were holding your breath, do not worry I found them.  Now my only problem is trying to figure out what the heck I am going to do with 150 bouncy balls that got shipped to my in-laws home. Happy Father's Day perhaps?  

Moving on.  Have I mentioned that my three-year-old is no longer napping?  Who knows, this may be totally normal, however my plan was to make him nap until he moved out.  But today, when I went to lay Elena down, I came back to this...

(This NEVER happens by the way)

Looks sweet right?  Well, even though my sleeping toddler makes me count my every blessing, it also means his father is currently still trying to get him to sleep (it's almost 10pm by the way).  Seeing this sweet child slumber, you would never guess that minutes later I would be sitting in this very chair rocking him and his sister who both decided to throw an hour-long cry fest.  Why you ask?  I am still not completely sure.  Oh, and did I mention I had a migraine?  Well, I did not have the energy to fight the fit, nor the creativity or patience to re-direct it.  So what did we do?  I grabbed a box of graham crackers, and a bag of marshmallows and we ran for the hills.  Literally, well almost literally.  We didn’t run, we drove, but we did head for the hills.  We drove and drove and drove, eating marshmallows and graham crackers, with the sub roof open and sang along to the Glee soundtrack at the top of our lungs. 

Eventually we found a beautiful spot to pull over, and my children were the people I knew and loved once again.  Every once in a while you are in a moment, and you realize, I am smack in the middle of a memory I will love and cherish for the rest of my life. Today was one of those days.  My children and I took in a breathless view of the bay,  found sticks, smelled some flowers, and even sat in silence.  Franklin told me he wanted to just sit and think for a while.  When I asked him what he was thinking about, he said "About the books I need to read" Man oh man my cup runneth over!  

So I may not win the mother-of-the-year award as far as nutritious snacks for the day were concerned (I think I may have forgot to mention we later went to an ice cream party, whoops!),  but I am pretty proud of myself for choosing to turn a bad situation into one of my favorite days of all time.   As parents we are often so hard on ourselves.  We dwell on all the things we screw up, instead of acknowledging all the things we do right. However, I like to think Franklin will recall our day of marshmallows, graham crackers and a beautiful view more often than when I yelled at him for picking up his baby sister by the neck.  So let us take the time to pat ourselves on the back once in a while, and acknowledge our endless efforts to try to be better parents, better people. 

You are enough.

The other night when Elena decided she did not want to go to bed until midnight, I decided instead of fighting her I would snuggle her, play with her and pop in a movie in the background for my own enjoyment.  The movie I popped in was Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close.  Let me warn you the movie is sad.  You will most likely cry.  It is about a boy whose dad dies in the World Trade Center on 9/11.  The boy and his dad were very close and the boy spends much of the movie searching New York City for a secret message the boy believes his dad has left him.  I do not want to say much more in case you have not seen it, however I will tell you about one scene that I have not been able to get out of my mind since.  At one point as the boy cries in his mother’s arms, he tells her, "I don't tell you I love you enough, do I?”  Throughout the movie the boy has been incredibly difficult with his mother, even to the point of telling her he wishes she was the one that died.  Yet she simply replies, "You tell me enough."  For some reason this hit my gut hard.  She never took her sons actions personally, she simply understood and gave him the room to grieve the way he needed to.  She accepted, and loved, and cared for him, despite his resistance towards her. 

This is the kind of love I am determined to give my children.  Honestly, because I am not sure I am capable of controlling a whole bunch more.  I cannot promise I won't get short tempered, or be able to plan an educationally enriching activity each day, but I can promise to accept them.  Embrace them.  And cheer them on, on the paths they choose.  I want to be able to look outside myself enough to know, not everything they do is about me.  It is about who they are trying to be.  And the best thing I can do as a parent, is support them.  My children, even at their very young age truly are amazing people.  They are smart, compassionate, funny, and kind.  I love who they are.  One day Franklin says he wants to be a firefighter, another day a trash collector, another day a construction worker.  And on the most heartwarming of days, a daddy. 

This is a big job Nick and I have been given.  These two amazing, complex, fragile, yet resilient beings are in our care.  I worry more often then I should that I am going to screw it all up.  But, I am going to remember to trust their own journeys.  I will try to remember to say, "You are doing enough.  You are enough.  Just as you are, you are enough.”  And hopefully in teaching my children that they are enough, I as a mother, will be enough. 

Jokes on him...in a good way

So,  this morning my darling Nicholas surprised me with a trip out to breakfast, AFTER her let me sleep in!  He told me it was because he wanted to show me how much he appreciates me. But the jokes on him because it was during our breakfast that I truly realized how blessed I am to have him in my life.  Besides being my total BFF and uber hotty hubby, he is a FANTASTIC father.  His children love him SO very much, and really, there is nothing in this world I could ask for that is more important to me than that.  Frankie, even posed for some adorable photo opps at Hobees, which these days, is a miracle because whenever he sees a camera he acts as if I am the paparazzi that he is trying to escape.  I know this is all a little sappy, and although I find it incredibly important to be real about the hard stuff, I find it is equally important to be real about the good.