Well,
here I am 39 weeks pregnant (actually more like 38 in this picture, but
you get the point) and I am desperately trying to remain patient and for
the sake of everyone who lives with me, a little less neurotic than I feel. Here is a list of things I currently obsess
over (usually around 1am)
-How can I dust under that book
shelf? If I get on the floor, there is
no telling if I will be able to get back up.
Maybe I should lift it just a little?
No, I am pretty sure that is a bad idea.
-I need to have the dishes done like at ALL times. Like it drives me crazy when there is one in the sink. I can not stop thinking about it until it is washed because I know if I don't wash it then I will go into labor, and then there will be dirty dishes, and I won't be able to concentrate on having the baby! (Did I mention these obsessive thoughts are not rational in any way. Just go with me)
-I need to have the dishes done like at ALL times. Like it drives me crazy when there is one in the sink. I can not stop thinking about it until it is washed because I know if I don't wash it then I will go into labor, and then there will be dirty dishes, and I won't be able to concentrate on having the baby! (Did I mention these obsessive thoughts are not rational in any way. Just go with me)
-Do I seriously not have a definite name
picked for our baby? This is so not like
me. I need to know things. Breathe.
It will be ok. I am pretty sure
the nickname “Bull’s-eye” the kids (and now whole family) have been using all
through the pregnancy will probably stick for this child’s entire life so it doesn't actually matter what we name him/her anyways.
-This baby is totally going to be
late isn't it? Technically I am 1 week
from the arbitrary “due date” but I am going to carry this little bundle for
another 3 weeks aren't I?!
-Will third time finally be a charm
for our planned home-birth? I truly am
thankful for my previous healthy, thriving babies, but wouldn't it be nice to
have one of my births end up at home?
And not take an eternity? Like is
it too much to ask for a 2 hour home-birth?
It just might be. I am ok with
that. I really am. I even packed a “just in case” hospital bag
this time.
The
list could go on and on forever, but I will not bore you with my craziness. And then I just feel like a big giant jerk
for worrying over such frivolous things.
I really am so blessed. I am so
thankful my body has carried this sweet baby to term, or that it was even able
to make a baby. That is not the case for
so many close to me, including myself once upon a time. So, I am going to try and breathe. Trust this baby to come when it is good and
ready, in the way it is intended to. And
while I wait in the stillness I will enjoy spending my days with these loves of
my life…
I recently read this post that spoke to my dear "heart in waiting". I may just need to read it daily, to remember the beauty in, waiting.
